Harare Man’s Excuse for Infidelity: “I Can’t Live Without a Woman”

Domestic disputes often lay bare society’s hidden dynamics, but this particular case in Harare presents an unsettling picture of gender roles and abuse. Pamela Juka, a resident of Harare, found herself entangled in a web of betrayal and emotional torment when her boyfriend, Paradzai Nyatsange, not only admitted to infidelity but audaciously justified it. Nyatsange’s rationale? A claim that he couldn’t live without a woman, regardless of the consequences.

Relationships, especially in urban Zimbabwe, are often framed within traditional norms. However, Nyatsange’s actions suggest a disturbing entitlement, one that reaches beyond casual infidelity. Ms. Juka sought legal protection after her repeated confrontations with Mr. Nyatsange culminated in not just physical assaults, but the ultimate disrespect—finding used condoms on their shared bed.

This case isn’t simply about infidelity; it reflects deeper issues of power, dominance, and societal expectations. In many African cultures, men are often socialized to view relationships through a lens of dominance, but Nyatsange’s actions cross every imaginable line of decency. While some might dismiss his behavior as a reflection of personal irresponsibility, it also speaks to a broader cultural malaise where certain men feel they can manipulate their circumstances to justify infidelity and violence.

Ms. Juka’s testimony revealed the extent of her emotional trauma. Not only did she have to face Nyatsange’s blatant infidelity, but she also endured the verbal abuse from his other partners, who went so far as to insult her within her own home. The indignities didn’t stop there. Ms. Juka reported that some of her personal belongings—specifically undergarments—disappeared, with the other women allegedly threatening to use them for witchcraft.

Such accusations bring into focus Zimbabwe’s complex relationship with traditional beliefs, particularly those involving spiritual manipulation or “juju.” These practices, while often shrouded in superstition, continue to wield significant influence in many communities. For many, the belief that personal belongings, especially intimate items, can be used for spiritual harm remains a source of deep anxiety. In this context, Ms. Juka’s fears of witchcraft reflect a vulnerability far beyond just physical safety.

Meanwhile, Nyatsange’s defense was an uncomfortable mix of admissions and accusations. He admitted to bringing other women into the home but attempted to shift blame onto Ms. Juka, accusing her of infidelity. His discovery of messages on her phone, he claimed, justified his behavior. While his rationale might seem absurd to many, it highlights a troubling double standard in gender relations, where male infidelity is excused or minimized while female infidelity, even when alleged, is met with violence and retaliation.

Domestic violence in Zimbabwe remains a pervasive issue. According to a 2021 survey conducted by Zimbabwe’s National Statistics Agency (ZIMSTAT), nearly 40% of Zimbabwean women aged 15-49 have experienced physical or sexual violence at some point in their lives. This statistic reflects the urgent need for robust legal interventions to protect women like Ms. Juka from the trauma of intimate partner violence.

The protection order granted to Ms. Juka by Magistrate Judith Taruvinga was a necessary first step. However, orders of this nature, while valuable, are often difficult to enforce in Zimbabwe, where social stigma and limited resources can make it challenging for victims to feel truly safe. Magistrate Taruvinga’s decision, specifically prohibiting Nyatsange from bringing other women into the home or assaulting Ms. Juka, sends a clear message. However, it’s equally important that the system supports these orders with ongoing monitoring and legal backing.

The broader issue at play here is the normalization of male dominance in relationships. While Nyatsange openly admitted to both infidelity and assault, his justification—claiming that he couldn’t leave Ms. Juka because he had nowhere else to go—speaks to a deeper sense of entitlement. His statement, “I can’t stay without a woman,” captures the toxic masculinity at the heart of many abusive relationships.

Nyatsange’s reluctance to leave, despite his admitted misconduct, speaks volumes about the dynamics of power within such relationships. His fear of homelessness is understandable in the context of Zimbabwe’s economic challenges, but it cannot justify abusive behavior. His declaration that eviction would lead him straight into the streets reveals another critical issue—Zimbabwe’s ongoing housing crisis.

Harare, like many urban centers, faces significant challenges in providing affordable accommodation. According to a 2023 report by the Zimbabwe Homeless People’s Federation, the capital has an estimated housing deficit of over 500,000 units, leaving many people, especially men, in precarious living situations. However, Nyatsange’s fear of homelessness, while valid, should never be an excuse for abuse or exploitation within a relationship.

Ultimately, this case brings to light the critical intersection of housing instability, gender-based violence, and societal norms. While Nyatsange may view his actions as survival tactics, they instead reveal a more significant problem of abusive behavior disguised as necessity. Zimbabwean society must continue to challenge such justifications and support women like Ms. Juka who take the courageous step of seeking legal recourse.

As this story unfolds, it serves as a reminder of the need for stronger protections for women and a reevaluation of societal expectations placed on both men and women in relationships. Abuse, under any circumstance, should never be normalized or excused.

More: HMetro